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Love is Blind












Despite the relative tastelessness of kisses, they are usually referred to as
sweet. Tasting of wine, strawberries and honey are some of the most common
descriptions of lover’s kisses, although some poets are more creative. For
example, The Song of Songs says, "Thy lips drip as the honeycomb, my spouse:
Honey and milk are under thy tongue."

The feeling of a kiss is also described in a multitude of ways, The pounding of
the heart, quivering of the limbs, pain in the chest and quickening of the
breath are some examples of this. The Persian poet Ha-fez, writes that he fears
he will “char her delicate lips” when he writes of kissing his beloved.

The Spirit Within a Kiss

"At what else does that touching of lips aim but at a junction of souls?"

Favorinus of Arles

The Babylonian goddess of love, Ishtar, was said to hold life in her mouth,
offering spiritual delight to those who worshipped her. “That rarest gift, the
honeyed kiss of love/ On earth, is sweeter bliss than gods enjoy,” she tells one
of her followers.

Another example of the use of kisses as an exchange of life force or spirit is
in the Egyptian legend of Osiris and Isis. When Osiris’ jealous brother, Set,
threw him into the Nile, his wife Isis searched for his body in the river and
breathed life into him through a kiss.

The Renaissance saw a rapid rise in the view of kissing as an exchange of souls,
and as an offering of the self to the other person. Allusions to kissing in
poetry included an eternal kiss, a swoon that carried the couple almost to
death, and most importantly, the diffusion of one soul into the body of the

Perhaps one of the most potent notions of kissing revolves around the belief in
its life force and vitality. The Romans particularly believed that kissing a
dying lover would keep the spirit in the body longer. Ovid, particularly, mourns
that his wife will not be able to extend his life with her love because of his
exile. Kisses could even follow the dead into the Underworld as a comfort to the
shades of the dead.


In the cause of love, we do many foolish things. We go out on limbs not built for climbing in order to be gallant and free. We rise up to challenges and escape seemingly hum drum lives casting our hearts into the unknown. We start wars. We end wars.

This is love, we say, never knowing where we will be struck next. And some are touched for entire lifetimes. And some are struck repeatedly in an agony of relationships that start well and end, just as well. We fall in love all too readily.

We know all the clichés of soul mates, life mates, true love, perfect love, etc. etc. We find them heartwarming and grand, romantic even. But when we fall out of love, we fall hard for it is much more difficult to fall out of love than into it. There is nothing very romantic about a broken heart. We cavalierly declare that it obviously must not have been true love; otherwise, we would still be together. And we peer around corners hoping beyond hope that he or she awaits us.

And some love with their bodies and some with their minds and some find even deeper solace loving to the depths of their souls.

For some love like life is a journey. My parents have been married 58 years their offspring divorced at least once. Love is a certainty for my folks. They cannot and will not imagine one without the other. I have never thought that this was the love affair of the ages or one filled with passion and romance. There is a symbiosis between them, an odd dance non-stop for almost 6 decades. I wonder what keeps them going, that secret formula that keeps them together year after year.

I admire them and often stand in awe. I often have enough trouble living with myself let alone another lately. But their marriage is not all hugs and kisses, lovey dovey type thing. In fact, I barely remember the last time I saw them in love’s clench. Actually, I remember quite well as it was their 50th Anniversary. My family is not the huggy type. However, it has improved with living. There is a magic something that links them together from morning to night. The romance is hidden but secreted in their hearts and undying vows.

My romanticism leaps from speeding trains, screams from rooftops and dares to be overcome. I love being in love. Nevertheless, these extreme bursts of romantic fervor last years and not a lifetime as my folks have accomplished. It makes one wonder because it cuts to the core of a lifetime of passion. My parents are a miracle I think to myself. I admire their perseverance and patience.

We speak the words of love. But do we understand the intricacies of what makes love work? Do we know how to love another being let alone ourselves? And which comes first loving ourselves (that whole me thing) or loving someone else? And can you truly love another if you are rather misanthropic about yourself?

How much do you need to know about the soon to be significant other in order to fall in love? Jeez, I know many questions. Well you see I am taking this thing called love apart into all its facets so questions have to come up in order for the answers to be arrived at. I am using my parents as a model because they are still doing it after all these years and what makes them persist as they do?

Love is a Kevlar vest for my heart

I know about my loves and lacks thereof. I tend to dive right in without looking to see if there is water in the pool, without thought, fear or concern. Once in love I feel invulnerable like love is this Kevlar vest over my heart. With hindsight, I can see this is a rather one-sided view of things. A kind of ego ridden love that is so overwhelming that I would need a SuperMate not a SoulMate. Nevertheless, I love the sudden explosiveness in my universe that love brings, that impact of emotion and energy. I live for that passion. I would not wish to go through life without it! However, maybe this explosive passion flares so brightly and then seemingly burns itself out.

Then again, perhaps not, mayhap that flame would be eternal. I have learned much from each of my loves. I have learned that boredom is the fiercest of diseases and punishments.

Redefining love
And I have learned that love must be redefined to be successful. Old school concepts of one heart, one soul, and one love are out the door. The most important lesson being that true love is more the separateness of things than it is the mushing of things together (note: that is a technical definition).

Love is the willingness and the desire for each to be whole, undivided and unique. Co-creation means one creates a team of love (as corny as that sounds). It is the granting of beingness of another and not the desire to be “one” is the complete acknowledgement of your love.
Romantics will of course decry this and what I am about to say. They will feign broken heart malaise and woe is me and other assorted inanities. They will beat themselves with bungee cords or some such. But the fact is when you take into consideration the state of current romantics and climbing divorce rates, what the heck do they really know anyway?

Again, I state most emphatically, it is not the togetherness of things, of two lovers glommed together with Madison Avenue wallpaper and notions of what love should be. No, it is not the togetherness but the unique separateness that counts and if that uniqueness is admired and given life, love blossoms forth.

All too often, we hum these clichés until we run out of tune. Your LifeMate, your SoulMate, etc. is not half of you, they are entities unto themselves. We in a relationship are not halves of anything; we are whole entirely and uniquely whole.

Team Love
The ridiculousness of this popularized notion of this one beating heart concept is best illustrated when observing the rest of life; like say sports (am a guy ain’t I). Nowhere in the annals of sport does anyone say one player. Players with individual capabilities, characteristics, skills, etc all go into making a great team. The individual is not suppressed by his or her teammates; to the contrary, skills and abilities are enhanced. Some teams even take their comradery off the field and hang out together. Why should love sanely and logically be any different? How did we get the quaint notion that somehow we must divide ourselves down the middle and join the other person to make one whole person? When did we decide to be our soulmate instead of ourselves?

Strength is determined and created by two beings creating together, not whittling down to one or even two with broken hearts. It is the uniqueness of the players that make a great team, not the identicalness of them. This is after all the game of love.

There are those that may now shout that I am removing the romance from love with such analytical statements. And draining the tragedy from broken hearts is blasphemy and sacrilege. I gotta tell you, there is nothing at all romantic about abuse and divorce.

Is it not time to put love on a new level with new ways to measure its impact and affection? We live in the 21st Century now and communication capabilities have truly sped up our lives that are just full of yesterdays and some tomorrows. We live with hindsight have little foresight and I would recommend midsight, i.e. looking at now and seeing what is without hindrance of past or future.

Let us put love back on the pedestal where it belongs, something exalted and striven for not to be tossed into like a tsunami of emotion. Let us redefine love based on communication and understanding and not a dartboard.

Admiration coupled with desire and passion would indeed mean true love for it could not be anything else. And you know he or she may just be around the corner.


If there is one front-and-forward excuse for infidelity it is: " I fell out of love."

This usually means: I no longer feel sexually attracted to you (I'm sexually attracted to someone else, for now, at least.) Or, I need to spice my life with giddy emotional highs and intrigue every so often.

Infidelity has different faces...and different signs and patterns.

Did you know there are 7 different kinds of affairs? Well, there may be more, but after a couple decades of clinical work and research, I've identified 7.

And, if you look carefully, you will find that each form of infidelity carries different signs and markers. Know those specific signs of infidelity and you can save yourself much grief.

One kind of affair I write about in my E-book is called, "I Fell out of Love...and just love being in love."

Here are some signs and patterns you can expect in this kind of affair:

1. Hang on to your seat. This may be some ride, much like a thrill ride at an amusement park. There will likely be many ups and downs, spiced with dramatic flair. Watching your spouse go through his gyrations may leave you somewhat dizzy. He will give his all to this new-found "love" and at other times might find his way back to you.

2. Typically you will struggle with being ignored and feeling rather awful that you can't provide the "love" this other person seems to provide. You might find yourself questioning your capacity to "love" and your desirability. His affections will obviously be centered on that other person.

3. He may want to tell you about this other person. Not only might he want you to know about the other person he may desire to share with you some of the details of this relationship. He might want you involved. This creates an intense triangle that juices the drama. (Most classical love stories are dramas, complete with a triangle; he "falls in love" with the forbidden or unattainable princess. Often the drama ends as a tragedy - Romeo and Juliet.)

4. Expect some juvenile behavior such as love letters (e-mail), special names, special promises, secrets only for the two of them, etc. Some of these affair relationships are the result of unfinished business from adolescence. Perhaps he was responsible for family or beset by some trauma or internally or externally imposed injunctions that precluded him from dating, socializing with the opposite sex, and "falling in and out of love" a number of times, which is so important and vital for adolescent development.

5. You may hear the persistent phrase, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." He may truly "like you" and depend on your stability, goodness and understanding. The thought of losing that may keep him connected with you. His fear of losing that which is stable and enduring may conflict with his need to follow his feelings. As well, the possibility of loss may point to the internal emptiness that stirs up very uncomfortable feelings and thoughts. This is part of the roller coaster ride.

6. He may feel very badly about his "inability" to love you and his "inability" not to love the other person. He may express great remorse for the dilemma. He may profess deep sadness for "hurting" you - but, as you know, he has no control. His feelings drive him. His "concern" for you indicates his superficial understanding of relationships. Or, his "concern" for you may be a manipulative attempt to find an easier exit from the marriage.

7. Expect his feelings for the other person to fade. They will fade quickly if this is a pure "I've fallen out of love (and just love being in love)" affair. The "romance" of adolescent love affairs start quickly and end as abruptly. If, however, other issues come into play, such as, resentment and/or the inability to say no, you have a more complicated situation that takes longer to resolve.


If you're one of those guys telling to yourself that Antonio
Banderas might be a little prettier then you but again your IQ
beats that of Einstein by an inch, than the next lines were written for you. You have to know how to use your advantage against a two-digit IQ macho-man and this is no easy deal. Some studies even say that intelligence alone is actually not too sexy to most people. Therefore it would be wiser to use intelligent ways to seduce a woman then just act smart.

There are more ways to do this, some better and some worse. For example, you can be immoral enough to use your wits just to have sex, by manipulating women. For this "hit-and-run" approach you'll need a little more than just your intelligence, you'll have to know how the human mind, women's in particular, work in order to outsmart them, control the game and win it using their own weapons. But before you get to keen on the idea just remember that there are other, more honest ways of winning a woman's admiration.

All of our actions, interacting with the opposite sex included,
involve a little risk taking. If you think you are the hit-and-run
type of guy maybe you should watch Cruel Intentions and destroy all the excitement that comes with the game. But if you're not then just "go with the flow" and see what happens. Gamble a little and let romance play its natural role in a relationship.

If you take things even further into consideration you might end up concluding that every single word and gesture we do when we interact with another person has its risky part in it. Saying "HI" to a stranger on the street, asking someone on a date, asking for her phone number in the middle of the date or trying to get the first kiss at the end of the night... There are always two possibilities: the YES possibility and the NO possibility. But
would it be so exciting if you wouldn't take all these risks?

Compare this interaction with a snow boulder! With each risk you
decided to take the boulder gets bigger and heavier. And if all
goes well it will get big enough to become unstoppable. That's
when you can say that you have a real relation.

Playing the game smartly also includes playing it honestly. The
hit-and-run guys pose as the feminist sensitive men while using
their wits to control the game and reach their goals. But sincerity
is about something else, it's about being yourself.

More than that it is about being comfortable with who you are
entirely. It's about doing what you want to do and not fear that
you will lose something because of your actions. And most
importantly it's about honestly not want something in particular
from a woman because seducing a woman is not a goal in itself, is
not a hunting game, nor a chess game. It's just our way of finding
the other half.


The world can be a very scary place.

Everything seems to change on a daily basis.

Uncertainty in every aspect of life surrounds us.

We are all faced with one tragedy after another. On any particular day you can read about plane crashes, terrorism, crystal meth or whatever.

You may be wondering; how does this affect love?

The current divorce rate is nearing 50 per cent.

Can you imagine the impact on the children?

On one hand, no wonder relationships are struggling and the divorce rate is so high. We are living in a world of "me" time. Consumption is king.

We all need to take a deep breath and slow down. Life is moving too fast.

We need to get back to a day where we say "Hi" to our neighbours instead of fearing them.

On the other hand, it's not all bad: I'm happy, in fact, I'm individually optimistic, yet, globally pessimistic.

Can we change the course of things to come?

I don't know.

We've messed it up pretty bad.

Just think about it for a moment. The family unit is in a state of crisis; the institution of marriage may be failing. C'mon, two drinking buddies getting married in Ontario?

I suggest in the future for those of you walking down the aisle could you please uncross your fingers and take your tongue out of your cheek. You're only screwing up your kids and, in turn, our world.

If everyone actually meant, "till death do us part," the divorce rate may only be 20 - 25 per cent resulting in:

At least a 50 per cent reduction in unwanted children, in turn resulting in:
A smaller global population, in turn resulting in:
Less consumption, in turn resulting in: HOPE!

Wait a second, if that was the equation. I might not exist.

We have certainly left one messed up world for the next generation to try to fix. It's too bad that most of them come from broken homes. How are they going to fix the world, when they can't even fix themselves?

My radical suggestions:

Be aware of what is going on in "our" world.

Look at yourself first and the people in your life who matter and to try to encourage, nurture and love.

Turn off the news (except for 24 hours).

Laugh, smile and cry from time to time. Have a blast. Treat others with kindness. Make your "moments" memorable. Don't have kids just for the sake of it - kids aren't puppies.

Avoid confrontations: life is too short.

And most important, remember to hug each other.

We may not be able to fix the mess, however, we can have a blast during the ride.


If I could save time in a bottle
the first thing that I'd like to do
is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
just to spend them with you

if I could make days last forever
if words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then
again I would spend them with you

if I had a box just for wishes
and dreams that had never come true
the box would be empty except for the
memories of how they were answered by you

but there never seems
to be enough time to do the
things you want once you find them
I've looked around enough to know that
you're the one I want to go through time with

I hid you for a long time
the way a branch hides its
slowly ripening fruit among leaves,
and like a flower 
crystal of ice
on a winter window
you open in my mind.
In my heart I keep
the sparkle of your eyes
the tender warmth of your smile
the small tilt of your head
the delicate curves of your soft body
and I dream
dream of holding you close
caring for you, protecting you
and loving you always.
When I think of love ...
I think of roses and red hearts ...
quiet walks ...
and very soft, tranquil music ...
I envision an eagle taking 
flight on a crisp fall morn ...
the first snowflake in the winter ...
and the sound of the first robin in the spring ...
envision a glorious sunrise ...
a spectacular rainbow ...
and stars brightly shining on a summer night ...
But most of all, I envision you ...
your eyes radiating warmth, joy and vibrance ...
and the tender feelings in my heart
from your friendly smile. 



Preview of picture in folder The Magic Of Surroor


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